Hope For A New Year

As I have been looking back on 2012, I realize that I haven't met all of my goals that I wanted to. In all honesty, I think I only accomplished a couple of them. The fact that I didn't do everything I wanted is kind of heart breaking. All of the goals I made were things that I had to make an effort to do. I thought I was the one who controlled whether or not I got them done. For the most part, that was true. However, I had to give up on two of my goals for physical reasons. I really wanted to learn to run and run in a 5K. Not long after I started running, I got a knee injury while at work. I had to go through physical therapy and I was really looking forward to running again. At the end of my therapy, I asked my physical therapist if I was okay to run. His response was, "Well, I'm not going to tell you you can't run, but I would not recommend it. You have so much damage in both of your knees that another injury would be really bad." This was actually pretty hard to hear but, thinking about what could happen to me if I got injured again was harder. So, I don't run anymore. Most of my other goals, I just didn't do because I didn't feel I had the energy. For some reason, I have just felt physically run down this year where I could barley fold laundry without feeling like I needed a nap afterward. So, this year, I have more goals to accomplish but, I will not put pressure on myself to where I feel like a complete failure. God was with me last year through everything and He will be with me again this year. I have a promise that no matter what happens this year, He will be right beside me!

My Goals for 2013

1) Start a journal and write in it everyday even if nothing all that exciting happens. (I have a horrible memory and I would like to be able to look back and remember my life)

2)Play clarinet again. (One of my Christmas presents from my husband is to get me a new one!)

3)Read at least 30 books that I have not read before.

4)Buy a house.

5)Have an office job or work from home by the time Logan is in school full-time in the Fall.

6)Fly somewhere. Preferably outside of North America.

This is all I have so far. I may add to it and I may take away from it depending on where God leads so, we'll see!

The Church We Thought We Wanted

I came across an article today that really made me think about something I have been struggling with for awhile now. It was about the way we give people, mainly youth in the article, what they want in the church rather than what they need. We have come up with this idea of a seeker-sensitive church to   make church look more appealing to those who might not otherwise go. In other words, we make the Church look just enough like the world so people will want to come. In the article he says, we make worship look like a rock concert, the sermon is like a comedy club, and the foyer is like a coffee house.

Mike and I have struggled with wanting to go to church for awhile now and it just makes me sad. Quite frankly, my Thursday morning BSF class has taken the place of Sunday church for me. It's real, it's personal, and God is completely at the center of it. Lately, I have been longing for a small, personal church, that loves Jesus and people. Mike has often said in the past that when he sees a small church, he asks the question, "What is wrong with this church that people aren't going?" He prefers a bigger church that is seeker-sensitive. In this day and age, the question I am asking is, "What are the small churches doing right?" I am just honestly tired of the big, impersonal, churches where it's impossible to meet everyone and feel like a real community because there are so many people. I am probably like this because I grew up in small churches and I knew everyone and there was definite community. We did everything together. I just miss that and I haven't really had that kind of church community since I left home to go to college. 11 years is a long time to feel like an outsider everywhere you go. I try to get involved, somehow, in every church I have gone to but, I still feel like an outsider. There haven't been connections where I have a relationship with someone outside of church activities. I really miss connecting with people.

I'm not saying that big, seeker churches are bad. They can be great and there can be real community in them. I just want to find a church, big or small, where Jesus is the focus and not the methods we use to lure people in.

Here is the article I mentioned:  http://thegospelside.com/2012/09/23/whats-so-uncool-about-cool-churches/

To Change, Not To Finish

I have recently been thinking a lot about something Jeremy Kingsley said at church many weeks ago. He said, "We don't read the Bible to finish. We read the Bible to change." If we read the Bible and it's not changing us, then what are we doing. This has been on my mind because I have always wanted to read the Bible in one year. I felt like if I couldn't do that, then I wasn't really "in the Word". I have tried reading the Bible from beginning to end, but I start to get a little bored reading from the same book of the Bible every day. So, this summer, I started a reading plan that I really like. It is four readings a day from four different books a day. This is perfect for me because I like to read different things at the same time. However, I was starting to realize that by the time I hit the fourth reading of the day, I had no idea what I had read in the previous passages. I'm not saying that God hasn't changed me at all through the reading of His Word but, it's difficult to meditate on what He is doing in me if I'm reading several different passages a day.

So, I started thinking, "who cares if I don't read the Bible in a year?" Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to do this? If the point of reading the Bible is for God to change us, do we really need a time table that might put so much pressure on us that we feel like utter failures if we can't do it? I think not! So, I have started reading just one of the four passages a day from my reading plan. This way I can meditate on it much better and focus on what God is trying to teach me from that passage. Also, I still get the variety of passages that I like to have.

My point is not to condemn reading the Bible in a year. It may work for you and may keep your focus where it should be. For me, I get so wrapped up in the schedule of it all, that I can easily forget why I am doing it in the first place. I am so grateful for this "new" perspective! God is changing me and that is the whole point! So, I encourage you to read the Bible to change, not just to finish!

Blazing Missiles of Fear

So, I finally went out and bought the devotional, Jesus Calling. A friend of mine has mentioned it in her blog so many times, that I just really wanted it for myself. I really like it! This morning, it was about fear. The first sentence was, "Bring me all your feelings, even the ones you wish you didn't have." I have had feelings I wish I didn't pretty much my entire life. You see, I am terrified of dying. I don't know why, because everyone has to go through it. It is going to happen and I can't stop it. Even, as a Christian, I haven't been able to shake this fear. I know where I'm going when I die, but I know that I cannot possibly even begin to grasp what Heaven will be like. As a child, I remember lying on the couch in our living room and just getting shivers and chills just thinking about dying. I would get so scared that I would cry right there. It happened any time I let myself think too much. It has happened many times since then. In fact, it has happened in the last few weeks. This is one of the ways Satan attacks me. I have prayed really hard about this over the past few weeks because I'm so sick of being afraid. I also know that if I don't work with God to conquer this fear, I will be haunted for the rest of my life because, "Blazing missiles of fear fly at you day and night; these attacks from the evil one come at you relentlessly."

All this being said, there is one thing I do know: It's that my God is faithful and He can take away my fear! He is light and there is no darkness in Him! I know that I don't have to be afraid and I can conquer this fear! I'll leave you with the last words of my devotional this morning. "Bring your anxieties out into the Light of My Presence, where we can deal with them together. Concentrate on trusting Me, and fearfulness will gradually lose its foothold within you."

Photo A Day

A friend of mine started doing this challenge called photo a day this year. It's just a fun way to take a picture of something everyday. So, now I'm going to do it! The photo for today is a number.

Snuggle Up, Mommy

Today has been much more relaxing than yesterday! No cleaning vomit out of the carpet and no doing tons of laundry to get the vomit smell out! Logan has a bit of a cold and has been very snuggley this morning. After I took care of his nose a little while ago, I picked him up and he gave me one of those hugs where he wrapped his legs real tight around me as if to say, "Don't let go!" So, we went to the recliner and I was holding him and rocking him and I just started weeping. I feel so blessed to have these little moments where I can just sit and love on my little boy. God is giving me such an abundant life as a mother! I get to hang out will my son, all day, every day and just watch him grow and change. At times, it's sad because I wish he could stay this little forever, but I also can't wait to see who he becomes.

A Joyous Day In The Midst of Suffering

Yesterday was busy, but very full. It was Logan's 3rd Birthday! I still can't believe I am the mother of a 3 year old! It goes by so fast. Mike and I gave him his birthday presents before Mike went to work. He got action figures of Captain America, Wolverine, and Iron Man ( he is his father's son). We also gave him the Leap Frog Tag reading pen and a Toy Story book to go with it. He seems to like everything. Soon after that we had some friends over for a little while. It's always nice to be able to sit and talk with a friend while our kids play. I then gave Logan a bath, lunch, and put him down for a little nap (which of course he didn't take).

While he was "taking his nap" I made myself some lunch and sat down to relax for the first time that day. Shortly after that, my in-laws came to visit! We sat and talked for a little bit and then I had to leave to go to my first physical therapy appointment (I sprained my knee). At my appointment I found out that I have a lot going on in my right knee from the fall, but I also found out that I have a torn ligament in my left knee from a previous injury. I knew I had bad knees, but I didn't know I had so much damage in them. So, I went back home and spent some more time with the fam. Mike came home from work and we had everyone open presents seeing that his dad's birthday was on the 4th, Logan's was yesterday, and Mother's Day is Sunday.

After all of this, we went out to dinner at Macaroni Grill. It was delicious! We came home and had birthday cake. Mike's parents left. Logan went to bed. I went to bed earlier than I have in a long time. I was exhausted, but in the midst of it all, I loved yesterday! God is teaching me a lot during this time of being injured and being in a little bit of pain throughout the day. We have been studying 1Peter in BSF this week. It has been a lot about suffering. It seems to have come at the perfect time because of what I am going through with my knee. Now that I can't do much physically, God has been teaching me about not wasting my days, but making them about Him and the people in my life. With Logan turning 3, God is teaching me that I need to embrace this time in life even more because it goes by so fast. I am ready for my knee to be healed so I can fully be me again. But for now, I hold on to this verse: "So after you have suffered for a little while, He will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation." 1 Peter 5:10b

It's only for a little while!