This week has been melt down after melt down with me. I don't know what is going on with me but, it's time to take the necessary steps to find out what it is. I'm dealing with a lot of emotions lately. I'm trying to figure out if what I'm going through is depression or if there is something more wrong with me. I've had people try to explain what depression looks like and I am still uncertain if that is what this is. I have never been depressed before so, it's hard for me to know if that is what I'm going through. I have been having a lot of physical problems that I don't understand. I am 32. I shouldn't be exhausted all the time to the point of feeling like I can't do anything. So, I'm going to make an appointment with a doctor to get a check-up. Please pray for me that I will take this step because I have been putting it off for awhile out of fear of what I might find out.
I have been reading about Joseph the past couple of weeks and how he suffered so much but, still had success in his life because he relied on God. I feel like this time in my life is the worst suffering I have ever had to endure and I really want to come to a place of relying on God because I know that I am going through this because He is going to use this for some purpose He has. I know that there is hope in my circumstance and I'm just ready to deal with what I need to deal with and move on. I have been reminded of a song lately that is really speaking to me and I know that out of all of this, "Beauty will rise."
Nothing Is Wasted
The hurt that broke your heart
And left you trembling in the dark
Feeling lost and alone
Will tell you hope's a lie
But what if every tear you cry
Will seed the ground where joy will grow
Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted
It's from the deepest wounds
That beauty finds a place to bloom
And you will see before the end
That every broken piece is
Gathered in the heart of Jesus
And what's lost will be found again
Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted
From the ruins
From the ashes
Beauty will rise
From the wreckage
From the darkness
Glory will shine
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