Abide

This song has been on my heart a lot lately. We are starting a new season in our family. We are getting ready to move into our new house! It has been a very stressful time but, it has been a very growing experience. I have felt God's presence and my need of Him in this whole process. I have learned to really trust Him and that worrying about anything is useless. God will take care of us and He will do what is best for us in His own time. He is faithful. This song is about abiding in Him. For the first time in a long time, I feel that I have finally been doing just that and I pray that I keep that as my focus.

Abide - Jenny & Tyler - Open Your Doors - Copyright 2011 One Eyed Cat Music (BMI)

Music and Lyrics by Tyler Somers (BMI) and Jennifer Somers (BMI)

You strive, o man, and you strive again, your heart too proud to rest

You labor on, singing those songs, to cover your weakness

Do you fail to recall who you really are and Who caused you to be?

Return o man; return and rest, to a burden light and yoke easy

Abide in your Savior

Abide in His love

The labor of God is to trust in the Son

All you possess...do you forget, as if by your own strength

you earned it? No. He gave you all, everything you have.

Your righteousness, your life, your breath, your daily bread and wine,

His blood, His flesh, His love, His death, Your faith and endless life

Abide in your Savior

Abide in His love

The labor of God is to trust in the Son

Open up your doors

O my heart and soul

Open up your doors

Let the King come in

Let the King come in

Abide in me Savior

Abide in me Love

And daily I'll take my cross, follow after you Lord

Abide in me Savior

Abide in me Love

The labor of God is to trust

Nothing Is Wasted

This week has been melt down after melt down with me. I don't know what is going on with me but, it's time to take the necessary steps to find out what it is. I'm dealing with a lot of emotions lately. I'm trying to figure out if what I'm going through is depression or if there is something more wrong with me. I've had people try to explain what depression looks like and I am still uncertain if that is what this is. I have never been depressed before so, it's hard for me to know if that is what I'm going through. I have been having a lot of physical problems that I don't understand. I am 32. I shouldn't be exhausted all the time to the point of feeling like I can't do anything. So, I'm going to make an appointment with a doctor to get a check-up. Please pray for me that I will take this step because I have been putting it off for awhile out of fear of what I might find out.

I have been reading about Joseph the past couple of weeks and how he suffered so much but, still had success in his life because he relied on God. I feel like this time in my life is the worst suffering I have ever had to endure and I really want to come to a place of relying on God because I know that I am going through this because He is going to use this for some purpose He has. I know that there is hope in my circumstance and I'm just ready to deal with what I need to deal with and move on. I have been reminded of a song lately that is really speaking to me and I know that out of all of this, "Beauty will rise."

Nothing Is Wasted

The hurt that broke your heart
And left you trembling in the dark
Feeling lost and alone
Will tell you hope's a lie
But what if every tear you cry
Will seed the ground where joy will grow

Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

It's from the deepest wounds
That beauty finds a place to bloom
And you will see before the end
That every broken piece is
Gathered in the heart of Jesus
And what's lost will be found again

Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

From the ruins
From the ashes
Beauty will rise
From the wreckage
From the darkness
Glory will shine

Why I Left Facebook

I don't even know if there are people who read this unless they see a link on my Facebook page. So, it's possible that I'm writing this to thin air. A few weeks ago, I was astounded at some things I was seeing on Facebook that made me really angry. I will not go into it on here for the very reason I left Facebook. Reason  1: I often got really angry because of some things that I have had to deal with on there and I would just fall apart because of it. I would obsess about it for days and be really stressed out and fuming. So, my husband told me once again that he would advise me to leave Facebook. This time, I listened.

Reason 2: I feel like Facebook can cause a lot of disunity among friends and fellow Christians. I think people  have the idea that they can say whatever they want on Facebook and it doesn't matter if it hurts other people because they can't see them. There are a lot of people out there that I never see or talk to in person. I have no idea what their lives are like or really who they are anymore. I only get the piece of them that they put on Facebook and sometimes, though this doesn't included everyone, that piece makes me wonder what has happened to the person I knew. So, in order to keep from changing my view of people that I love, I left.

Reason 3: This is the biggest reason I left. We have been studying in my Bible study class about giving up personal gods. I realized that Facebook had become a god in my life. I was so addicted, I would check it several times every hour because I didn't want to miss anything. As I did this, I was neglecting responsibilities I have in my real life. I was also neglecting people that are right here in my world. I also think that, for me, Facebook was a cop-out of having to call people on the phone. I miss talking to people and hearing their voices. I want deeper relationships with people than Facebook could ever provide. I was spending more time on Facebook than I was with my son and that breaks my heart.

So, that is why I left. I'm not saying that Facebook is evil or anything but, I, personally, can't handle it right now. The funny thing is that I really don't miss it that much. I do miss seeing what people are up to but, I don't miss the need to constantly check it. God is doing a lot in my heart right now and I am so thankful that He finally got through to me about this.

The Dreaded Schedule

My life has changed somewhat dramatically over the last month. I went from being a part-time working mom to being a stay-at-home mom. I am actually busier now than I was when I had a paying job. Mainly, because I have the energy to be busier. I went back to being a stay-at-home mom because I was miserable with the way things were. I felt like I wasn't doing what God was calling me to do and this left me broken and empty. So, here I am, with a lot to do and a grateful heart that I have the time to do it. There's only one problem: I'm not getting it done.

I have never liked the idea of living by a schedule. I have always been someone who likes to see where the day will take me. The thing about that is that it helps me be a procrastinator and not get things done. So, I now find myself in a place where a schedule is vital. My list of things that I have to do every day/week is a little overwhelming to me right now. I am really trying to keep the house generally clean. I coupon to do my grocery shopping, which means, cutting, sorting, and planning every week (hey, it saves us money so that I can keep staying home). Tuesdays and Thursdays are crazy because on Tuesday, I have BSF leaders meeting in the morning and have to get Logan to school as soon as it's over. Thursday is BSF class day where I am a children's leader and have to get Logan to school right after (rush, rush, rush). I have to do little lesson plans for BSF and get my own Bible study done for BSF. I have to start working out more, which means trips to the gym. I have school work to do to become a medical transcriptionist. Somewhere in there I actually have to be a mom, wife, family member, and friend. I also enjoy reading and cross-stitching. 

So, it is very clear to me that I need a schedule. I am not complaining about how much I have to do. I love the fact that I am responsible for this much stuff! God has blessed me with some wonderful opportunities and I want to do well with them! Sorry if this post has been a little tedious to get through. Thanks for sticking with me! Bring on a life of more structure!

Monday Melodies

This is an attempt to have some type of schedule in my blogging and to reclaim my lifelong love of music. So, every Monday I will post the lyrics to a song that has a special place in my heart. I have recently discovered a group called All Sons & Daughters. I love them and there is one song that has been sticking with me the last few days. I'll just let this one speak for itself.

Brokenness Aside

Will Your grace run out
If I let You down
Cause all I know
Is how to run

Cause I am a sinner
If it's not one thing
It's another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies
But You are a Savior
And you take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful

Will You call me child
When I tell You lies
Cause all I know
Is how to cry

Cause I am a sinner
If it's not one thing
It's another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies
But You are a Savior
And You take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful

You make it beautiful
You make it beautiful

Hope For A New Year

As I have been looking back on 2012, I realize that I haven't met all of my goals that I wanted to. In all honesty, I think I only accomplished a couple of them. The fact that I didn't do everything I wanted is kind of heart breaking. All of the goals I made were things that I had to make an effort to do. I thought I was the one who controlled whether or not I got them done. For the most part, that was true. However, I had to give up on two of my goals for physical reasons. I really wanted to learn to run and run in a 5K. Not long after I started running, I got a knee injury while at work. I had to go through physical therapy and I was really looking forward to running again. At the end of my therapy, I asked my physical therapist if I was okay to run. His response was, "Well, I'm not going to tell you you can't run, but I would not recommend it. You have so much damage in both of your knees that another injury would be really bad." This was actually pretty hard to hear but, thinking about what could happen to me if I got injured again was harder. So, I don't run anymore. Most of my other goals, I just didn't do because I didn't feel I had the energy. For some reason, I have just felt physically run down this year where I could barley fold laundry without feeling like I needed a nap afterward. So, this year, I have more goals to accomplish but, I will not put pressure on myself to where I feel like a complete failure. God was with me last year through everything and He will be with me again this year. I have a promise that no matter what happens this year, He will be right beside me!

My Goals for 2013

1) Start a journal and write in it everyday even if nothing all that exciting happens. (I have a horrible memory and I would like to be able to look back and remember my life)

2)Play clarinet again. (One of my Christmas presents from my husband is to get me a new one!)

3)Read at least 30 books that I have not read before.

4)Buy a house.

5)Have an office job or work from home by the time Logan is in school full-time in the Fall.

6)Fly somewhere. Preferably outside of North America.

This is all I have so far. I may add to it and I may take away from it depending on where God leads so, we'll see!