Struggles With Reading The Bible In One Year

I have been trying for a few years now to read the entire Bible in one year. I have tried several different plans and I just can't stick with any of them because I feel like when I read several chapters a day, I come away feeling so empty and defeated because I don't remember most of what I read. I feel like people are always encouraging Christians to read their Bible in one year. Why? What's the point? Where did this idea come from? Am I less of a Christian if I don't do it? Are we, as a society, in such a hurry to the point of feeling like we need to rush through the Word of God? That's what I feel like I am doing when I try to do these plans. It's like we have come up with this game of Bible reading so that we can pat ourselves on the back because we were spiritual enough to read the Bible in one year. I have struggled with this for such a long time because it is talked about so much that it's to the point where I feel like a failure because I haven't been able to do it.

I am not trying to bash anyone who does read their Bible in one year. If you are someone who can remember everything they read and meditate on it, that's great! I am not one of those people. I have to meditate on smaller passages in order to understand what I just read. I know that I will not always understand what I read, but I still don't want to feel like I am rushing through the Book that I love so much. Has anyone else struggled with this? How do you study the Bible every day? Please comment below as I would love some suggestions! Thanks for reading my rant!

Abundant Life...There You Are!

God has given me new perspective and caused me to be extremely excited about life in a matter of days! I had the opportunity to go on a trip with the students at our church Thursday and Friday. What can I say? It was Awesome! It wasn't awesome just because of the cool stuff we got to do. It was awesome because I got to know a lot more of the kids than I had previously! It was awesome because I finally feel like I am doing what I have been called to do! We have spent much of our marriage trying to do youth ministry and for one reason or another, it hasn't happend. I am so grateful to God that we have finally found a church that said, "You want to serve? Come on!" I am so excited about where the student ministry is going! We have a great Youth Pastor and a great leadership team to work with! I truly believe that God is going to do amazing things this year and I am so blessed and excited to be a part of it!

I wouldn't be me if I didn't quote a song here, so this is how I feel right now. This is from Little Boy Heart Alive by Andrew Peterson.

Come to the Father
Come to the deeper well
Drink of the water
And come and live a tale to tell

The pages are turning now
This is abundant life
The joy in the journey
Is enough to make a grown man cry

With a little boy heart alive

Ancient Words

I just had to share the lyrics to this hymn that I fell in love with this weekend at the BSF Leaders Retreat! I have been looking for a song that I can focus on this year and I have found one! This year I am praying that the Word of God will come alive more than ever in my life. That I will fall more in love with it each day. I pray that it will change me and make me more like Christ. I pray that as I share it with others that I will see God's power in a very real way!

Ancient Words

Holy words, long preserved
For our walk in this world
They resound with God's own heart
O let the ancient words impart

Words of life, words of hope
Give us strength, help us cope
In this world where'er we roam
Ancient words will guide us home

Ancient words, ever true
Changing me, changing you
We have come with open hearts
O let the ancient words impart

Holy words of our faith
Handed down to this age
Came to us through sacrifice
O heed the faithful words of Christ

Ancient words, ever true
Changing me, changing you
We have come, with open hearts
O let the ancient words impart

Martyr's blood stains each page
They have died for this faith
Hear them cry through the years
Heed these words and hold them dear

Ancient words, ever true
Changing me, changing you
We have come with open hearts
O let the ancient words impart

Looking Forward to 2014

Happy New Year! The first half of 2013 was a little rough and the second half was filled with new beginnings! The first half of the year looked something like this.

Sad things:

1. Battled depression

2. A friend passed away

3. Good friends moved away.

4. I started getting numbness in my left hand and after x-rays and visits to the chiropractor every 10 days, it's still there. There is an MRI in my future.

Good Things:

1. My brother got married!

2. I started children's leadership at BSF!

The second half of the year was good.

Sad things:

1. We were sick for Christmas.

Good things:

1. Logan is in school full-time and loving it!

2. My aunt got married!

3. We bought a house that has already been a huge blessing!

So, that was 2013. Through everything I went through I am so grateful that I had the support of my wonderful husband, family, and friends. However, I am most grateful for the love my Heavenly Father bestowed on me through it all and grateful that I have learned to trust Him more than I ever have before. I didn't accomplish all of my goals, but I am happy with the one's that did come to pass. I am really looking forward to 2014 because I think I have finally found some direction with how to proceed with some long term goals! It's really exciting! Today, I applied to be an ABA Line Therapist to work with kids who have autism. I want to be a teacher! So, here are my goals for 2014. Some are simple and some are going to take a lot of work.

2014 Goals:

1. Read at least 30 books.

2. Start my business with Norwex.

3. Eat more meals at the table as a family.

4. Apply to Liberty University Online in order to start in the summer or fall. (as long as I have a job by then)

5. Do everything I can to get financial aid (although, I will not take out any loans).

6. Go on vacation to somewhere we have never been before.

7. Take full advantage of every minute I have to spend with the people I love.

Abide

This song has been on my heart a lot lately. We are starting a new season in our family. We are getting ready to move into our new house! It has been a very stressful time but, it has been a very growing experience. I have felt God's presence and my need of Him in this whole process. I have learned to really trust Him and that worrying about anything is useless. God will take care of us and He will do what is best for us in His own time. He is faithful. This song is about abiding in Him. For the first time in a long time, I feel that I have finally been doing just that and I pray that I keep that as my focus.

Abide - Jenny & Tyler - Open Your Doors - Copyright 2011 One Eyed Cat Music (BMI)

Music and Lyrics by Tyler Somers (BMI) and Jennifer Somers (BMI)

You strive, o man, and you strive again, your heart too proud to rest

You labor on, singing those songs, to cover your weakness

Do you fail to recall who you really are and Who caused you to be?

Return o man; return and rest, to a burden light and yoke easy

Abide in your Savior

Abide in His love

The labor of God is to trust in the Son

All you possess...do you forget, as if by your own strength

you earned it? No. He gave you all, everything you have.

Your righteousness, your life, your breath, your daily bread and wine,

His blood, His flesh, His love, His death, Your faith and endless life

Abide in your Savior

Abide in His love

The labor of God is to trust in the Son

Open up your doors

O my heart and soul

Open up your doors

Let the King come in

Let the King come in

Abide in me Savior

Abide in me Love

And daily I'll take my cross, follow after you Lord

Abide in me Savior

Abide in me Love

The labor of God is to trust

Nothing Is Wasted

This week has been melt down after melt down with me. I don't know what is going on with me but, it's time to take the necessary steps to find out what it is. I'm dealing with a lot of emotions lately. I'm trying to figure out if what I'm going through is depression or if there is something more wrong with me. I've had people try to explain what depression looks like and I am still uncertain if that is what this is. I have never been depressed before so, it's hard for me to know if that is what I'm going through. I have been having a lot of physical problems that I don't understand. I am 32. I shouldn't be exhausted all the time to the point of feeling like I can't do anything. So, I'm going to make an appointment with a doctor to get a check-up. Please pray for me that I will take this step because I have been putting it off for awhile out of fear of what I might find out.

I have been reading about Joseph the past couple of weeks and how he suffered so much but, still had success in his life because he relied on God. I feel like this time in my life is the worst suffering I have ever had to endure and I really want to come to a place of relying on God because I know that I am going through this because He is going to use this for some purpose He has. I know that there is hope in my circumstance and I'm just ready to deal with what I need to deal with and move on. I have been reminded of a song lately that is really speaking to me and I know that out of all of this, "Beauty will rise."

Nothing Is Wasted

The hurt that broke your heart
And left you trembling in the dark
Feeling lost and alone
Will tell you hope's a lie
But what if every tear you cry
Will seed the ground where joy will grow

Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

It's from the deepest wounds
That beauty finds a place to bloom
And you will see before the end
That every broken piece is
Gathered in the heart of Jesus
And what's lost will be found again

Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

From the ruins
From the ashes
Beauty will rise
From the wreckage
From the darkness
Glory will shine

Why I Left Facebook

I don't even know if there are people who read this unless they see a link on my Facebook page. So, it's possible that I'm writing this to thin air. A few weeks ago, I was astounded at some things I was seeing on Facebook that made me really angry. I will not go into it on here for the very reason I left Facebook. Reason  1: I often got really angry because of some things that I have had to deal with on there and I would just fall apart because of it. I would obsess about it for days and be really stressed out and fuming. So, my husband told me once again that he would advise me to leave Facebook. This time, I listened.

Reason 2: I feel like Facebook can cause a lot of disunity among friends and fellow Christians. I think people  have the idea that they can say whatever they want on Facebook and it doesn't matter if it hurts other people because they can't see them. There are a lot of people out there that I never see or talk to in person. I have no idea what their lives are like or really who they are anymore. I only get the piece of them that they put on Facebook and sometimes, though this doesn't included everyone, that piece makes me wonder what has happened to the person I knew. So, in order to keep from changing my view of people that I love, I left.

Reason 3: This is the biggest reason I left. We have been studying in my Bible study class about giving up personal gods. I realized that Facebook had become a god in my life. I was so addicted, I would check it several times every hour because I didn't want to miss anything. As I did this, I was neglecting responsibilities I have in my real life. I was also neglecting people that are right here in my world. I also think that, for me, Facebook was a cop-out of having to call people on the phone. I miss talking to people and hearing their voices. I want deeper relationships with people than Facebook could ever provide. I was spending more time on Facebook than I was with my son and that breaks my heart.

So, that is why I left. I'm not saying that Facebook is evil or anything but, I, personally, can't handle it right now. The funny thing is that I really don't miss it that much. I do miss seeing what people are up to but, I don't miss the need to constantly check it. God is doing a lot in my heart right now and I am so thankful that He finally got through to me about this.

The Dreaded Schedule

My life has changed somewhat dramatically over the last month. I went from being a part-time working mom to being a stay-at-home mom. I am actually busier now than I was when I had a paying job. Mainly, because I have the energy to be busier. I went back to being a stay-at-home mom because I was miserable with the way things were. I felt like I wasn't doing what God was calling me to do and this left me broken and empty. So, here I am, with a lot to do and a grateful heart that I have the time to do it. There's only one problem: I'm not getting it done.

I have never liked the idea of living by a schedule. I have always been someone who likes to see where the day will take me. The thing about that is that it helps me be a procrastinator and not get things done. So, I now find myself in a place where a schedule is vital. My list of things that I have to do every day/week is a little overwhelming to me right now. I am really trying to keep the house generally clean. I coupon to do my grocery shopping, which means, cutting, sorting, and planning every week (hey, it saves us money so that I can keep staying home). Tuesdays and Thursdays are crazy because on Tuesday, I have BSF leaders meeting in the morning and have to get Logan to school as soon as it's over. Thursday is BSF class day where I am a children's leader and have to get Logan to school right after (rush, rush, rush). I have to do little lesson plans for BSF and get my own Bible study done for BSF. I have to start working out more, which means trips to the gym. I have school work to do to become a medical transcriptionist. Somewhere in there I actually have to be a mom, wife, family member, and friend. I also enjoy reading and cross-stitching. 

So, it is very clear to me that I need a schedule. I am not complaining about how much I have to do. I love the fact that I am responsible for this much stuff! God has blessed me with some wonderful opportunities and I want to do well with them! Sorry if this post has been a little tedious to get through. Thanks for sticking with me! Bring on a life of more structure!

Monday Melodies

This is an attempt to have some type of schedule in my blogging and to reclaim my lifelong love of music. So, every Monday I will post the lyrics to a song that has a special place in my heart. I have recently discovered a group called All Sons & Daughters. I love them and there is one song that has been sticking with me the last few days. I'll just let this one speak for itself.

Brokenness Aside

Will Your grace run out
If I let You down
Cause all I know
Is how to run

Cause I am a sinner
If it's not one thing
It's another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies
But You are a Savior
And you take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful

Will You call me child
When I tell You lies
Cause all I know
Is how to cry

Cause I am a sinner
If it's not one thing
It's another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies
But You are a Savior
And You take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful

You make it beautiful
You make it beautiful

Hope For A New Year

As I have been looking back on 2012, I realize that I haven't met all of my goals that I wanted to. In all honesty, I think I only accomplished a couple of them. The fact that I didn't do everything I wanted is kind of heart breaking. All of the goals I made were things that I had to make an effort to do. I thought I was the one who controlled whether or not I got them done. For the most part, that was true. However, I had to give up on two of my goals for physical reasons. I really wanted to learn to run and run in a 5K. Not long after I started running, I got a knee injury while at work. I had to go through physical therapy and I was really looking forward to running again. At the end of my therapy, I asked my physical therapist if I was okay to run. His response was, "Well, I'm not going to tell you you can't run, but I would not recommend it. You have so much damage in both of your knees that another injury would be really bad." This was actually pretty hard to hear but, thinking about what could happen to me if I got injured again was harder. So, I don't run anymore. Most of my other goals, I just didn't do because I didn't feel I had the energy. For some reason, I have just felt physically run down this year where I could barley fold laundry without feeling like I needed a nap afterward. So, this year, I have more goals to accomplish but, I will not put pressure on myself to where I feel like a complete failure. God was with me last year through everything and He will be with me again this year. I have a promise that no matter what happens this year, He will be right beside me!

My Goals for 2013

1) Start a journal and write in it everyday even if nothing all that exciting happens. (I have a horrible memory and I would like to be able to look back and remember my life)

2)Play clarinet again. (One of my Christmas presents from my husband is to get me a new one!)

3)Read at least 30 books that I have not read before.

4)Buy a house.

5)Have an office job or work from home by the time Logan is in school full-time in the Fall.

6)Fly somewhere. Preferably outside of North America.

This is all I have so far. I may add to it and I may take away from it depending on where God leads so, we'll see!

The Church We Thought We Wanted

I came across an article today that really made me think about something I have been struggling with for awhile now. It was about the way we give people, mainly youth in the article, what they want in the church rather than what they need. We have come up with this idea of a seeker-sensitive church to   make church look more appealing to those who might not otherwise go. In other words, we make the Church look just enough like the world so people will want to come. In the article he says, we make worship look like a rock concert, the sermon is like a comedy club, and the foyer is like a coffee house.

Mike and I have struggled with wanting to go to church for awhile now and it just makes me sad. Quite frankly, my Thursday morning BSF class has taken the place of Sunday church for me. It's real, it's personal, and God is completely at the center of it. Lately, I have been longing for a small, personal church, that loves Jesus and people. Mike has often said in the past that when he sees a small church, he asks the question, "What is wrong with this church that people aren't going?" He prefers a bigger church that is seeker-sensitive. In this day and age, the question I am asking is, "What are the small churches doing right?" I am just honestly tired of the big, impersonal, churches where it's impossible to meet everyone and feel like a real community because there are so many people. I am probably like this because I grew up in small churches and I knew everyone and there was definite community. We did everything together. I just miss that and I haven't really had that kind of church community since I left home to go to college. 11 years is a long time to feel like an outsider everywhere you go. I try to get involved, somehow, in every church I have gone to but, I still feel like an outsider. There haven't been connections where I have a relationship with someone outside of church activities. I really miss connecting with people.

I'm not saying that big, seeker churches are bad. They can be great and there can be real community in them. I just want to find a church, big or small, where Jesus is the focus and not the methods we use to lure people in.

Here is the article I mentioned:  http://thegospelside.com/2012/09/23/whats-so-uncool-about-cool-churches/

To Change, Not To Finish

I have recently been thinking a lot about something Jeremy Kingsley said at church many weeks ago. He said, "We don't read the Bible to finish. We read the Bible to change." If we read the Bible and it's not changing us, then what are we doing. This has been on my mind because I have always wanted to read the Bible in one year. I felt like if I couldn't do that, then I wasn't really "in the Word". I have tried reading the Bible from beginning to end, but I start to get a little bored reading from the same book of the Bible every day. So, this summer, I started a reading plan that I really like. It is four readings a day from four different books a day. This is perfect for me because I like to read different things at the same time. However, I was starting to realize that by the time I hit the fourth reading of the day, I had no idea what I had read in the previous passages. I'm not saying that God hasn't changed me at all through the reading of His Word but, it's difficult to meditate on what He is doing in me if I'm reading several different passages a day.

So, I started thinking, "who cares if I don't read the Bible in a year?" Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to do this? If the point of reading the Bible is for God to change us, do we really need a time table that might put so much pressure on us that we feel like utter failures if we can't do it? I think not! So, I have started reading just one of the four passages a day from my reading plan. This way I can meditate on it much better and focus on what God is trying to teach me from that passage. Also, I still get the variety of passages that I like to have.

My point is not to condemn reading the Bible in a year. It may work for you and may keep your focus where it should be. For me, I get so wrapped up in the schedule of it all, that I can easily forget why I am doing it in the first place. I am so grateful for this "new" perspective! God is changing me and that is the whole point! So, I encourage you to read the Bible to change, not just to finish!

Blazing Missiles of Fear

So, I finally went out and bought the devotional, Jesus Calling. A friend of mine has mentioned it in her blog so many times, that I just really wanted it for myself. I really like it! This morning, it was about fear. The first sentence was, "Bring me all your feelings, even the ones you wish you didn't have." I have had feelings I wish I didn't pretty much my entire life. You see, I am terrified of dying. I don't know why, because everyone has to go through it. It is going to happen and I can't stop it. Even, as a Christian, I haven't been able to shake this fear. I know where I'm going when I die, but I know that I cannot possibly even begin to grasp what Heaven will be like. As a child, I remember lying on the couch in our living room and just getting shivers and chills just thinking about dying. I would get so scared that I would cry right there. It happened any time I let myself think too much. It has happened many times since then. In fact, it has happened in the last few weeks. This is one of the ways Satan attacks me. I have prayed really hard about this over the past few weeks because I'm so sick of being afraid. I also know that if I don't work with God to conquer this fear, I will be haunted for the rest of my life because, "Blazing missiles of fear fly at you day and night; these attacks from the evil one come at you relentlessly."

All this being said, there is one thing I do know: It's that my God is faithful and He can take away my fear! He is light and there is no darkness in Him! I know that I don't have to be afraid and I can conquer this fear! I'll leave you with the last words of my devotional this morning. "Bring your anxieties out into the Light of My Presence, where we can deal with them together. Concentrate on trusting Me, and fearfulness will gradually lose its foothold within you."

Photo A Day

A friend of mine started doing this challenge called photo a day this year. It's just a fun way to take a picture of something everyday. So, now I'm going to do it! The photo for today is a number.

Snuggle Up, Mommy

Today has been much more relaxing than yesterday! No cleaning vomit out of the carpet and no doing tons of laundry to get the vomit smell out! Logan has a bit of a cold and has been very snuggley this morning. After I took care of his nose a little while ago, I picked him up and he gave me one of those hugs where he wrapped his legs real tight around me as if to say, "Don't let go!" So, we went to the recliner and I was holding him and rocking him and I just started weeping. I feel so blessed to have these little moments where I can just sit and love on my little boy. God is giving me such an abundant life as a mother! I get to hang out will my son, all day, every day and just watch him grow and change. At times, it's sad because I wish he could stay this little forever, but I also can't wait to see who he becomes.

A Joyous Day In The Midst of Suffering

Yesterday was busy, but very full. It was Logan's 3rd Birthday! I still can't believe I am the mother of a 3 year old! It goes by so fast. Mike and I gave him his birthday presents before Mike went to work. He got action figures of Captain America, Wolverine, and Iron Man ( he is his father's son). We also gave him the Leap Frog Tag reading pen and a Toy Story book to go with it. He seems to like everything. Soon after that we had some friends over for a little while. It's always nice to be able to sit and talk with a friend while our kids play. I then gave Logan a bath, lunch, and put him down for a little nap (which of course he didn't take).

While he was "taking his nap" I made myself some lunch and sat down to relax for the first time that day. Shortly after that, my in-laws came to visit! We sat and talked for a little bit and then I had to leave to go to my first physical therapy appointment (I sprained my knee). At my appointment I found out that I have a lot going on in my right knee from the fall, but I also found out that I have a torn ligament in my left knee from a previous injury. I knew I had bad knees, but I didn't know I had so much damage in them. So, I went back home and spent some more time with the fam. Mike came home from work and we had everyone open presents seeing that his dad's birthday was on the 4th, Logan's was yesterday, and Mother's Day is Sunday.

After all of this, we went out to dinner at Macaroni Grill. It was delicious! We came home and had birthday cake. Mike's parents left. Logan went to bed. I went to bed earlier than I have in a long time. I was exhausted, but in the midst of it all, I loved yesterday! God is teaching me a lot during this time of being injured and being in a little bit of pain throughout the day. We have been studying 1Peter in BSF this week. It has been a lot about suffering. It seems to have come at the perfect time because of what I am going through with my knee. Now that I can't do much physically, God has been teaching me about not wasting my days, but making them about Him and the people in my life. With Logan turning 3, God is teaching me that I need to embrace this time in life even more because it goes by so fast. I am ready for my knee to be healed so I can fully be me again. But for now, I hold on to this verse: "So after you have suffered for a little while, He will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation." 1 Peter 5:10b

It's only for a little while!

BSF

If anyone keeps up with me on Facebook, you know that I have started going to BSF and I love it! For those of you who don't know, BSF stands for Bible Study Fellowship. It is a free Bible class that meets once a week! They have classes for women, men, and children! It is an international organization. I highly recommend finding one in your area, if you are interested! http://www.bsfinternational.org

Anyway, now that I've given them a little plug, I'll move on. I absolutely believe that God brought me to this class at just the right time. I was really trying to read my Bible more and was doing really well, but I still felt disconnected from God and others. One day, a friend of mine mentioned BSF on facebook and I thought, "I need to finally check and see if there is a class here." I have known about BSF since high school and my mother-in-law was involved for 18 years and was a leader. I guess I just forgot it was there. So, I found a class here in Columbia and I fell in love! It has been such an incredible experience so far and Logan loves it as well (they have a program for children while I'm in my class)!

I have grown so much in my faith just in the almost 2 months that I have been there! I am seeing God work daily and He is a bigger part of my day than He has been in a long time! One of the main things I have gotten out of BSF is that I see more and more how much I need Him. I can't do anything without Him. When we went to the Andrew Peterson concert last week, he sang one of my favorite songs (well, lets face it, just about all of his songs are my favorite). This one in particular just made me think about what God is doing in me lately, so I thought I would share the words.

ALL YOU'LL EVER NEED

The blood of Jesus, it is like the widow's oil

It's enough to pay the price to set you free

It can fill up every jar and every heart that ever beat

When it's all you have it's all you'll ever need

The blood of Jesus, it is like the leper's river

Running humble with a power you cannot see

Seven times go under, let the water wash you clean

Only go down to the Jordan and believe

Only go down in the Jordan and believe

And I need it, I need it, the closer that I grow

The more I come to know how much I need it

The blood of Jesus, it is like Elijah's fire

Falling on the altar of your faith

All the wisdom of the world could never conjure up a spark

But no power of Hell could ever quench this flame

No power of Hell could ever touch this flame

And I need it, I need it, the closer that I grow 

The more I come to know how much I need the blood of Jesus

The blood of Jesus, it is like the widow's oil

When it's all you have, it's all you'll ever need

It is all you'll ever need!

Going Organic

So, I have been wanting to change our diets for sometime, but haven't really known where to begin. We have been eating horribly in the past few months and we need to stop for health reasons. I started watching The Biggest Loser and it has really motivated me to eat healthy and exercise. I have also been wanting to cook a lot more because then, I know what's going into our bodies. Some friends of mine have introduced me to a co-op that gets fruits, vegetables, and I think they also get meat! They even get milk and eggs. AND IT'S ALL ORGANIC!! It seems a little pricey to me, but I decided just to try it out because, if we can make meals out of what comes in the box every two weeks, it will probably be a lot cheaper on our grocery bill every month. I'm just excited about knowing what ingredients I have and then finding something to cook with them. I get so tired of trying to find good recipes and then having to go out and buy everything to make them. This should make meal planning a little easier!

Things To Do In 2012

I've never been one for New Year's Resolutions, but this year I really feel the need to have the abundant life that my Lord has promised. So, I made a list of things I want to get out of this year. It consists of some dreams that I have always had and just things I want to accomplish! I'm really excited about it! So, here it is!

Goals for 2012

1) Read the Bible in a year or less. (I am sad to say I don't think I've read the entire Bible. There are just some books that I always get stuck on)

2) Learn to play my hammered dulcimer. (It has been my favorite instrument for years and I have had one for 7 years. It's time to make beautiful music with it)

3) Learn to run.

4) Run in a 5K.

5) Find a church that we are just crazy about and really get involved.

6) Finish my courses for Medical Transcription and hopefully get a job doing that from home.

7) Take a real vacation for a week this summer! (We only ever get out of town for the weekend and it's just too short)

8) Sing. (My dream has always been to sing in some way whether it be back-up in a band, in a really awesome choir, or on the worship team at church)

9) Be a better wife, mother, friend, and relative. (In general just be a better lover of people)

This list just really makes me excited about this year! I can't wait to see what God is going to do in my life and the lives of those around me!

Me, Myself and Lies

Here I am again, battling Satan for the thoughts in my head. He is doing everything he can to convince me that I am nothing to no one. It's been a really hard week. It seems rather heartbreaking that days after we are supposed to be celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior that it can seem like it never happened. I have done a lot of grieving this week over a lot of things and it has just knocked me down over and over again. I guess it's that after Christmas depression that people talk about, but for me, it's something I deal with all year. Anyone who knows me knows that I am very hard on myself and don't view myself as a worth while or valuable person. I've dealt with it most of my life. It's an area that Satan has such a hold on that every time I try to give it to God it just doesn't sink in. When I do give my thoughts to God, I feel so on top of the world, but that only lasts for a day or two because then, something happens and I'm right back to my old ways. Yesterday, I hit rock bottom in this moment of Satan induced self-loathing and I had had enough.

So, I went to the book case in our room, trying to find anything to do with God that would give me a little encouragement. I came across this Bible study that I bought at another time such as this and decided to start diving into it again. This post is in no way an endorsement of said Bible study (which this post is titled after) because sometimes it is a little on the cheesy side, but I like the idea of it. It is basically telling women to take their thoughts and fill them up with God's. So, whenever we start to worry or get down on ourselves, we should change the course of those thoughts to what God tells us in His Word. Isn't that what we are supposed to do anyway? We are supposed to let God's Word fill up our hearts and lives. I know I need more than a Bible study to change the way I think. I need God to speak to me and maybe this is how it will finally break Satan's hold on me!